Working Through the Fog

The Fog comes at me in two different fashions: either the world slows down to a snail’s pace or there are so many scattered thoughts attacking my brain at one time that I cannot focus on a singular topic. Each of these scenarios provide their own challenges. When the world around me slows down to a crawl, I have what I want to say, but I cannot find the words. I forget the names of people that I interact with daily; I feel like I have aged dramatically in a moment; and/or I don’t have the brain power to focus on the topic at hand. When the many scattered thoughts come at me all at once, I cannot separate them to think clearly. The thoughts intersect and merge upon each other, leaving me confused and frustrated, which often results in a mind state of rage.

This has been my life since 2022. The struggle has been real. It has affected both my private and professional life. While I have been blessed with a loving and supporting wife in my personal life, my professional life suffered immensely. There were meetings where I couldn’t focus on the topic at hand, and the content was lost on me. Or, there were other meetings where I would be the key leader in the room and I would get into arguments or lash out a lower-level employees, with no regard for them as an individual and have to make amends once my brain returned to normalcy. I could not be present for my team of employees effectively. There were days where I would be working from home and not able to get anything accomplished. All of this contributed to me being forced to step down from an Executive leader to a middle manager. I really felt that I got knocked down to a place that I wish upon no one. To say depression set in would be an understatement. As an IT professional and leader, my brain is my greatest asset and it was stripped from me daily.

In the fall of 2023, I started seeing a doctor that was familiar with what I was to learn was Chronic Inflammation Response Syndrome (CIRS). It can be caused by exposure to various molds, VOCs, and other toxins in the environment. I was also diagnosed as being affected by the activation Epstein Barr Virus (EBV), and potentially Lyme disease. Before this, I had never heard of CIRS or EBV. I had heard of Lyme disease, but I don’t ever remember being bitten by a tick, so I am not convinced of that diagnosis. The doctor also prescribed me to have a special MRI performed on my brain and it showed significant brain atrophy. Obviously, I was thrilled to hear that bit: just another depression log thrown on the emotional bonfire in my soul. Regardless, I started the path to healing by following the Shoemaker protocol, which aims to eradicate and rebuild patients suffering from these illnesses.

Ever since starting this protocol, I have slowly returned to some state of normal. There are certain stores and other locations where I would go that negatively affect me and I cannot go to these locations. Otherwise, I feel as if my brain is swelling out of my skull, and the symptoms I mentioned before come upon me. I can’t go to any Costco, for whatever reason, I am affected. There are restaurants where we would like to go as a family that I now have to stay away from. My wife and I just have this running mental list of safe places, versus those that affect me. It’s a dynamic of life that I never anticipated.

This is where I started to learn how to adapt. As the supplements started working, the brain fog occurrences started to happen less frequently, unless I came under direct exposure. I began to adjust my lifestyle accordingly. I focused my diet to avoid inflammatory foods. I haven’t been perfect, and I have had cheat meals, but overall, I shifted my diet to clean eating. I made a determination to show up for my teams the best that I could. There are still rough days, but the majority of days are better. I still cannot exercise as frequently as I was doing before, but I do what I can. To put it frankly: I show up and God helps me through the rest. That sounds like a cheesy Christian bookstore motivational card, but it is real. Depression still creeps in, but I try to muster the strength to be thankful for the things that are good in my life, rather than focusing on what I have missed or what I think I lack. This is how I’ve learned to work through the fog.